i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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