hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i drank out of a bidet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
