Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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