Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love you. Go after that dick
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