i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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