I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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