Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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