she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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