i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
