im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
