I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
