Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
did you just send me my own nude
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