He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
