I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
