Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In America we eat man semen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
