Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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