swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
