you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
