I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
