can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
