Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
