I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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