Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
