I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
