Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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