dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
