i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize