No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
