Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
