how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
