He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
