Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
please don't ironically join a cult
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