I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
