it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
