He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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