It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
