Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
