Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
