please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
