Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
