A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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