oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
