apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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