i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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