I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
