So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
