You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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