Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
