Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
