how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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