Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize