Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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