why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
