just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
