now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize