you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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