My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
