Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
