Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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