saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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