Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize