bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I supernannyed him into submission
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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