I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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