I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My ass is underappreciated
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
