I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
