Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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