i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
