bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
