Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
