You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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