I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
