Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize