is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize