plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I checked into jail on foursquare
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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