69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
