we're blogging at a bar
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just took my morning after pill in the library
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Shame - the story of my life.
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