guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
