she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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