I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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