my mouth tastes like poor choices
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
