$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
