It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
