I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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