I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
