Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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