Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
