True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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