everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
