One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i drank out of a bidet.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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