Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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