So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
barbara walters just said penis...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
