yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
