Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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