Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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